Of Elder Scrolls and Huntsmen: Dragon Rose Chibi!
by JessesanMan
Summary: Adventure! Friendship! Sweet rolls! The characters from Of Elder Scrolls and Huntsmen, but in a delightful, oversized head form, here to have good times!
1. Chapter 1

**So, as well as the normal** omakes **, we got ones submitted in the format of Chibi :D**

 **So here you go! Enjoy!**

* * *

*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme* Dragon Rose Chibi!*

 _Corpse Search_

"Okay guys! Let's beat up these trolls!" Ruby declared outside of the cave decorated with signs warning of trolls, death, death by trolls, and one that warned of possible maiming...by trolls.

"Uh, Ruby, we're supposed to _kill_ the trolls, and then take their fat," Weiss reminded her.

"Ew, gross! How are we even supposed to do that?"

"I...have no idea."

"Oh, it's rather simple," Lydia said. "Let's go in and kill one, and I'll show you."

"Dibs!" Yang shouted before dashing inside. A troll roared at her only to receive a fist to the face. It spun in the air and then landed on its back, tongue lolling out from the side. "Killed it!" she called back.

"All right. Now first step is pretty simply," Lydia explained as she walked up. "First, look directly at the corpse. Then..."

Suddenly a list popped up, with a troll skull and troll fat. Lydia poked at the one that said troll fat, and it disappeared from the list. Team RWBY stared in incredulous incomprehension, their eyes wide open with disbelief.

"And then you have it." She pulled a bowl of troll fat from her pockets. Team RWBY still couldn't believe it.

"Uh, you just...stare at it?" Ruby asked while staring at the dead troll. The list came up for her and she poked at the skull. It disappeared and she felt a heaviness in her satchel. She reached in and pulled out a full sized troll skull. Looking at the corpse, the head appeared no different from before. "How does this even...?"

"This is so weird!" Blake complained. Another troll roared from a previously unnoticed corner and started clamoring towards them.

"I got it!" Yang said before socking the troll in a similar manner to the first one, only this time making it land on its front. Now all of the girls looked at it and a list appeared before them, only this time there was no skull, but five septims and a silver ring along with the troll fat.

"Wait, what?" Weiss asked as she once again could not process what she was seeing.

* * *

 _The Voices_ by xTRESTWHOx

"Tell me again why we are out here?" Weiss irritably tapped her foot, with Blake chewing on a salmon and Yang leaning against the wall and checking her wrist, while Ruby sneakily leaned out from behind a bush.

"Just watch," Ruby declared before slinking further into the bush. "And listen..."

Before any of the girls could respond further, the town square suddenly became alive, filling with a wide array of colorful men and mer, a cacophony of voices filling the air.

"Okay... So, what are we listening for, exactly?" Blake inquired, only to receive a loud shush from Ruby, who had poked her head out of the bush.

"Quiet! Look!" Ruby pointed out towards Vignar Grey-Mane and Olfrid Battle-Born.

"Clan Grey-Mane is the best!" Vignar shouted proudly, directly into Olfrid's face.

"No, Clan Battle-Born in the best!" Olfrid growled, getting into Vignar's face. The two looked ready to go at it, again.

"So? They do this _literally_ every day. What's the point?" Yang asked, receiving another shush from Ruby.

"Well, look over there!" Ruby redirected their attention towards Aela and Adrianne.

"Here's that bow you wanted," Adrianne handed over the bow.

"Thank you, this will be-" Aela thanked the smith, only to be interrupted by a black cat arriving next to them. "BARK! BARK! BARK!" The cat yowled and ran off, with a barking Aela running on all fours after it, leaving behind a wide-eyed Adrianne.

"I don't... Wait..." Blake squinted her eyes, beginning to notice a peculiar similarity, as were the other two. "They...sound the exact same!"

"See!" Ruby jumped out of the bush in a cartwheel. "That's what I was trying to show you guys! People are sharing the same voice! It's super weird!"

"That's preposterous! Even if that was true, why would that be the case?" Weiss objected, her voice unsure.

"Maybe there's only so many voices in the world? Some are bound to be similar," Yang offered with a shrug.

"Oh, please. This is just pure-" Weiss was interrupted by the door to Arcadia's Cauldron suddenly opening, with Lydia carrying a bag of potions.

"Thank you for those potions, Arcadia," Lydia, exiting the shop next to them, called inside.

"Come again, Lydia! You are always welcome!" Arcadia's voice came from within as the doors shut. Lydia walked over to the girls, Ruby sporting a knowing look on her face while the other three now had wide-eyes.

"...What?"

* * *

 _Cooking with the Gourmet!_ by Z. R. Stein

X X X

"So, now do we put in the honey?"

"No, not yet. The perfect sweetroll is light and fluffy. Adding honey at this stage would make it dense and unpleasant to eat."

Ruby sat on a stool, a white chef's hat cocked on her head. Beside her stood Balagog gro-Nolob. The wooden table in front of both of them was laden with ingredients and cookware.

"Now we mix in the eggs one at a time. Fresh eggs, right out of the coop if you can get them. Then, we mix well."

"Oh! Oh! Can I do that!"

"Heh, sure kid, go ahead. Just stop when I say so."

Ruby grabbed the bowl with a gleeful grin, jabbing the spoon into the gloppy mixture. A small amount a drool was running down her chin, and she wiped it away with her shoulder before she started mixing, her arm blurring as she mixed via her Semblance.

"Now, some Nords swear by only using sugar, butter, and cream for the frosting, but I've found that adding in vanilla, honey and just a pinch of moon sugar makes a far superior topping. And that should be enough mixing."

Ruby stopped her rapid motions and looked down at the bowl greedily, before she looked contemplative.

"Isn't moon sugar a drug?"

"It is, but in small doses, its fine. It's like cooking with alcohol."

"Ah, yeah. That makes sense. Ok, now what?"

Balagog picked up a pitcher of milk.

"Now, we need to slowly stir this in..."

. . .

 _One hour later..._

Yang cried great globby tears as she took another bite out of her sweetroll.

"It's...it's everything I ever dreamt it could be..."

Weiss reached with a trembling hand to grab another roll from the pile.

"So full...but need...more..."

Ruby looked up from the sweetroll that she was devouring to high five Balagog.

"Mission accomplished. These really are the best sweetrolls ever. I think these are even better than cookie-no...no, I just can't say it."

Balagog chuckled.

"That's high praise coming from the girl that ate Jarl Balgruuf's secret stash of snickerdoodles."

"...you heard about that?"

"Heh, girl, I wouldn't be surprised if the Emperor himself knows about that particular escapade."

Ruby laughed and went back to her sweetroll, already anticipating the sweet sweet taste of it in her mouth. When she bit down on reflex though, Ruby only bit air.

"What?!"

Looking up, Ruby saw that Yang and Weiss had also lost their sweetrolls. And in the middle of the room, stuffing the precious rolls into a sack was...

"BLAKE! I WILL MURDER YOU! GIVE THEM BACK!"

Blake looked at Ruby and smirked.

"My sweetrolls now, bitches."

The Faunus leaped dramatically out of an open window, and Ruby raised a fist, eyes alight with sugary madness.

"AFTEEEER HEEEER!"

The three Huntresses and their orc companion chased after the cat burglar. Every time one of them 'caught' Blake, it ended up only being a shadow copy. Frustrated, the girls became to scream bloody murder.

"BLOODY MURDER!" screamed Yang. Her cry was echoed by Ruby and Weiss (the heiress beginning to look a bit green in the face, the rage not quite enough to counteract the sensation of running while being stuffed full of sweetroll).

Up and down the streets of Whiterun they ran after the wayward Faunus, accidentally knocking Nazeem into the city gutters.

The chase ended when Blake ran into Dragonsreach. Ruby tripped upon reaching the top of the stairs, taking Weiss, Yang, and the Gourmet down with her. The four of them lay in a dusty heap trying to catch their breath.

One of the guards leaned forwards.

"Let me guess. Someone stole yoursweetrolls."

* * *

 _The Greatest Game_ by xTRESTWHOx

"Why are we always in Whiterun?" Weiss asked to herself as she, Blake, and Yang sat in the Bannered Mare, nursing mugs of water and, in Blake's case, reading a book.

"What do you mean?" Yang replied, slightly offended. "What's wrong with Whiterun?"

"Nothing, it's just…we're always here," Weiss explained with a shrug.

"So? I live here, isn't that good enough?"

"That's not what I—" Weiss began, only to be interrupted as Lydia walked in, seemingly exhausted as she sat down next to them. "Oh, hello Lydia. What's wrong with you?" Lydia, instead of replying, merely hung her head with shame. Blake, concerned with the housecarl's uncharacteristic behavior, set her book down.

"You…okay there, Lydia?" she asked, eyebrow raised. At this, the housecarl merely sighed.

"I couldn't stop her…" Lydia mumbled, causing the rest of the group to look among themselves in confusion.

"What… What do you mean? Couldn't stop who?" Yang asked, placing her hand on Lydia's shoulder.

"Ruby… I couldn't stop Ruby…" Lydia's head seemed to stoop lower, while the other girls just got confused.

"What is Ruby doing now?" Weiss rubbed her brow in irritation.

"Playing hide and seek with a bunch of children…" At Lydia's confession, Weiss and Blake adopted expressions of pure disbelief, while Yang's eyes went wide with fear.

"Oh gods, those poor kids…" Yang looked towards the door with frantic eyes.

"What are you so worked up about? It's hide and seek? What's so horrifying about that?"

...

"Why! Why have the gods forsaken us!" Lars whimpered as he lied on the ground in the fetal position, Mila and Braith poking their heads out from behind Dragonsreach.

"Shut up, Battle-Born!" Braith hissed at the whimpering boy. "She'll hear you… Mila, you see anything?" A shrill scream echoed through the city, answering her question.

"That was the last one…" Mila gulped. "We're next…"

"We're so screwed! Game over, man! Game over!" Lars continued to weep, at this point now sucking his thumb.

"Shut up, Lars!" Braith turned around to slap some sense back into the boy. "Get ahold of yourself. Mila, how are we—" Braith turned back, only to see empty air where Mila previously stood. "Mila?" Braith quietly called out, only to see a small pile of rose petals on the ground. Slowly, Braith leaned over to pick one up, her hand trembling. Holding it up to her face, another shrill scream suddenly echoed around them, causing her to drop it in fear and hastily get Lars up to his feet.

"Lars! Lars, we got go! Get up, come on!" Braith screamed, attempting to drag Lars to his feet, only to stop as she saw a pair of silver orbs flash in the darkness a few feet away. "Screw this!" Braith shouted, dropping the boy like a sack of rocks and running away.

"Braith! Braith, don't leave me!" Lars cried out, only to feel a rush of air and rose petals fly past him. Shortly after, a shrill scream rang out, sending shivers down his spine. "No, no no no no…" Lars pushed himself back against the wall, his body shaking in fear. In a panic, he rapidly turned his head from side to side, trying to see his pursuer, only to feel a soft breath come from above him. Slowly, he raised his eyes, only to stare into the silver eyes of the Grim Reaper itself.

"Found you," it said. Lars didn't even have time to scream before everything went black.

...

"That is what can happen, Weiss." Yang exasperatedly pointed towards the pile of children, with a victorious looking Ruby standing in front of them. Weiss and Blake could only stare with blank eyes at the scene, while Lydia merely sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme*  
Dragon Rose Chibi!

 _ **Looting Difficulties**_

"Should we be in here?" Onmund asked as the four students went into the old fort ruins. "This is kinda off-track…"

"Oh hush," Weiss reprimanded him as she began rifling through cabinets, drawers, and shelves, taking anything of value. "This place has likely been abandoned for a long, long time, and now there are things in here that could be put to good use."

"Like all of the coins you've been digging up?" Brelyna asked.

"Arguably the _most_ useful thing we could find."

"This one has found a few books. Even seems to be an old spellbook for summoning flame elementals."

"Ooh!" Weiss sped over to see what J'zargo was looking at and began flipping through the book. "Looks like he was trying to make a ritual to permanently summon a flame atronach. A very specific one, too."

Onmund came across a bucket filled with emptied bottles. He picked one up and sniffed it. "I'm getting hints of fire resistance. So the guy didn't want to get burned."

"Enchanted cloth," Brelyna pointed out as she lifted up an old blanket with scorches on it. "Fire resistant. And there are others with differing levels. Someone was trying to fireproof himself."

"This is so very interesting," Weiss mused as she moved forward, still looting the place for all it was worth. "What sort of secrets could the person behind these things have been after? Perhaps trying to open a dialogue with the atronachs themselves?"

After taking the silverware from a table, she opened a door into an adjoining room and balked a few steps in. The others came in after her, and noticed what she was looking at. Several potions were sitting on an end table next to a bed covered in scorches, some empty potion bottles next to it. For a moment Weiss tried to deny what she had discovered to herself, then a door from the other end opened and a man with his arm around a flame atronach's shoulder walked in.

"You don't need to worry, dear. We're far off the-" The two paused as they saw the four students staring at them. "Wh- Where did you come from?"

* * *

"After that, Weiss-"

"Onmund, you promised to never bring that up!" Weiss yelled as she returned, interrupting the story he was telling to Yang, Blake, M'rissi, and Inigo, all of whom were now laughing out loud and rolling about whatever surface they were on, which for M'rissi was the table.

"And you promised to help me clean up after the jarring incident, but we both know now that that was a lie," the Nordic mage grumbled.

"I would have, but I'm allergic to imp stool mushrooms, and we had no idea which were which at that point."

"Haha, oh, that was great," Inigo said. "Too bad we'll never know exactly what the Jarring Incident was." He turned his head andstared forward. "Ever."

* * *

 _ **Ready Up**_

Light shined through the windows of Proudspire Manor, striking Ruby in the face. Her face twitched, and with a moaned grumble turned to her side, away from the dreadful light. Then, on the opposite window, another light shone in, again striking her face. She turned upwards, her face towards the ceiling, only to have yet another light shine down. Her face scrunched, she turned face down, head smothered by her pillow.

"Aaah," she sighed in relief, letting sleep overtake her again. That was when yet another light shone upon her, now emitting from the pillow itself, yet again onto her face.

"OKAY, I GET THE POINT! I'M UP!" She yelled out, throwing the covers off herself. She got to her feet, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Still clad in her red and black spotted pajamas and her hair a mess, she made her way downstairs.

"My Thane," Lydia greeted, looking over a pot of stew. Like Ruby, she herself was also wearing her pajamas, a dull yellow nightgown. The smell wafted towards Ruby, lifting her off the ground and floating her towards it.

"Hmm," she breathed it in, savoring it. "This smells delicious, Lydia. What is it?"

"It's—" the door flew open, revealing a guard.

"The city is under attack by a dragon!" The guard shouted, his body trembling in fear. Ruby and Lydia got up immediately.

"We'll head over right away!" Ruby turned towards Lydia. "Lyd, we need… Wha?" Ruby stared at Lydia wide eyes. The casual nightgown Lydia was wearing just moments ago was now gone, replaced by a set of pull steel plate armor, complete with a sword and shield.

"Ruby! Get dressed, we have to go!" Lydia turned towards the guard. "As soon as she is ready, we will meet the dragon head on."

"Gods' speed," the guard saluted then ran off. A host of guards ran towards the palace gates, all wearing red. Lydia turned back towards Ruby, who was still staring at the housecarl in disbelief. At this point, Lydia was starting to get confused.

"What?"

"…. HOW!?"

* * *

"I don't understand what your confusion is," Lydia said as she and Ruby galloped on their horses towards the dragon's location.

"What my confusion is? You changed into a full set of armor in under a second! I turned away for a moment, and suddenly… HOW?!" Ruby shouted from her horse, throwing her arms into the air. "It makes no sense!"

"It makes total sense," Lydia countered. "I simply changed into my armor. It's not my fault you don't do it right."

"Don't do it right?!" Ruby recoiled in offense.

"Yes. Observe." Right before Ruby's eyes, Lydia began to change outfits, one after another. All without moving her arms, she changed from her plate armor, to her casual clothes, to her nightgown, to her original armor, to a Whiterun Guard's uniform, to a jester's outfit, to a clown complete with makeup, to a gold Mjolnir suit, then back to her steel plate armor. "See?"

Ruby remained silent, staring blankly at Lydia. Without saying a word, she slowed her horse to a stop, Lydia stopping alongside her in confusion. Ruby got off her horse and turned towards Lydia, who quickly did the same.

"Ruby? What's wrong?" Instead of answering, Ruby dropped to one knee and bowed towards the now greatly confused Lydia.

"Teach me," she begged, dropping her head.

"I…uh, … What about the…?"

"I'm sure they got it handled."

* * *

"We do not have it handled!" a red-suited guard screamed as he ran around in circles while on fire. Most of his comrades were in similar situations, screaming their heads off as the dragon laughed overhead.

"Where's the Dragonborn when you need her?!"

* * *

" _Totally_ have it handled."

* * *

 _A few days later_

"I wonder what Lydia called us over to Solitude about?" Weiss asked herself as she, Blake, and Yang all entered the city.

"Perhaps that dragon that's been running amok, causing mayhem?" Blake pointed out towards the horizon. Sure enough, they saw the beast in question, cackling madly.

"…Nah, I'm sure the guards have it handled." Yang shrugged them off.

The three walked up to Proudspire Manor, pausing at the door. Looking at each other, Yang went to knock at the door, only for it to be suddenly opened by Lydia, fighting back snickers.

"Thank you! Please, Ruby needs your help," Lydia laughed and dragged the three girls inside and slammed the door close. "She asked for help, and I decided to help her, but… You three need to see this."

"What happened? Is something wrong?" Weiss sounded confused, as did the others.

"Follow me," Lydia rushed upstairs. After a moment, the others followed, stopping at Ruby's bedroom door. "She's in there."

Pausing for but a moment, Yang threw the door open. Inside, they saw Ruby standing in the middle of the room. She was wearing her normal outfit, but then it suddenly changed into a red Mjolnir suit, only to change again right after. Ruby was rapidly turning into an assortment of different outfits, each more outlandish than the last, and it wasn't stopping.

"Yang, help me!" she cried as she changed from a strawberry costume to a giant M&M. "It won't stop!"

The others just starred and did nothing before Yang began to wheeze and collapse in a fit of laughter. The others soon followed, leaving Ruby to hunch down, teary-eyed. Lydia leaned out the door frame, holding a scroll, and the tell-tale click of a camera shutter made Ruby sigh.

* * *

 _ **An Alternate Start**_

"How did things get like this!?" Ruby yelled to the heavens as Helgen burned. The day had started off so well. They were at Beacon, having a good time with JNPR, then all of a sudden they found themselves in a snowy forest. Before they had time to really react, she and the rest of her team got ambushed by some soldiers, hauled onto carts, and wheeled to some place called Helgen to be executed.

"I don't know!" Yang cried as she desperately tried to dowse the fires on her hair. Everything went wrong after that. Ruby was the first one they tried to execute, the Imperial Captain was a real jerk about it, but before they could finish the deed or Yang could break out of her bonds, a monster attacked. It was out of a nightmare, and as everyone tried to make a run for it, the monster simply burned and crushed everything. Fire rained from the sky, leaving craters of smoldering metal on the ground.

"This can't be happening! This can't be happening!" Weiss rocked back and forth in the fetal position. She was having the hardest time adjusting to their predicament, and the arrival of the blue monster made her mind snap at the illogicalness of the entire situation. Oh, she had attempted to fight off the creature, but its hull was too thick and strong. Nothing fazed it, its ever present smile never faltering for a moment.

"I used to play with you as a kitten!" Blake wailed as the creature emerged from the smoke. Its round, smiling face emerged first from the smoke, giving way to a thin blue neck that ended in a short blue body and cabin. It wheeled ever closer, despite having no tracks to ride on.

" _Toot Toot._ "


	3. Chapter 3

_*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme_

 **Dragon Rose Chibi!**

* * *

 _Fetch_ By Pokeman1280

"48. 49. 50." Yang counted each of her one-handed pushups. She was in the zone.

That is, until Ruby walked up to her. "Hey, Yang," the Dragonborn said innocently with her hands behind her back. "I need to ask you something."

"Of course, sis." Yang pushed herself to her feet and faced her sister. "What's up?"

Ruby brought her right hand in front of her holding a foot-long branch. "You see the stick?"

Yang's eyes bulged and centered on the stick. She slumped her upper body and let her arms hang. "I see the stick." Ruby moved the stick above her head and Yang's eyes followed. The younger sister moved the stick to her right. Yang's tongue lolled out of her mouth and she started panting. She brought her hands up to chin level with all her fingers pointing at the ground. "I very much see the stick."

"Okay then." Ruby threw the stick as hard as she could. "Fetch!"

Yang closed her mouth and followed the stick with her eyes. She jumped in the air and front flipped so fast she looked like a golden ball. She stopped abruptly, now in her wolf form. She barked before she landed then chased after the stick. The golden wolf picked the stick off the ground and brought it back to Ruby.

"Good girl!" Ruby chirped. "Now drop it." She pointed at the ground. Yang opened her mouth and the stick rolled out. "Oh! You're just the smartest doggy!" Ruby pat Yang's head twice before picking up the stick again. "Do it again! Fetch!" Ruby threw the stick and Yang chased after it.

Off to the side, Lydia and Weiss stood watching the event. Lydia half-lidded her eyes and facepalmed. She sighed and her head and shoulders drooped at the same time. "Were these two like this where you came from?"

"Kind of," Weiss said. "They liked playing with their dog." Her eye opposite Lydia twitched.

Lydia peeled her hand off her face. "Was their dog an actual dog, not… Yang?"

"Of course." Weiss crossed her arms. "And since it's Yang, I am not affected by her adorableness." Her eye twitched again.

"Thank you for that." Lydia turned her head to her left. "What happened to Blake?"

Weiss tilted her head back and pointed at the top of Lydia's head. "Look up."

Lydia did as told and her mouth dropped open. Blake latched herself to the top of Lydia's head, her eyes wide like she'd just seen a spray bottle. "Blake, would you please get off my head?"

"I don't like dogs." Blake clung on tighter.

"But she's your partner!" Lydia gestured both arms at Yang, who now lay on her back in front of Ruby getting a belly rub.

"I don't like dogs." Blake sunk behind Lydia's head.

Lydia half-lidded her eyes, closed her mouth, and brought a hand to her face. She sighed and slumped forward again, but Blake clung on. "Weiss, do you have any advice for…" Lydia stopped as she stared at where Weiss stood only moments before. A dashed, white outline was all that remained. Lydia searched the area for the vampire. When she found Weiss, her mouth dropped open again.

Weiss had joined Ruby in rubbing Yang's belly. "Who's a good girl?" Weiss asked. "You are! Yes, you are!" Yang barked and her tongue popped out of her mouth and covered one of her eyes.

Lydia half-lidded her eyes again and covered her eyes with a hand. She sighed, taking her upper body down with it. "Is there anything normal about these girls?" Lydia pried her hand from her eyes and stared down at Yang with the stick in her mouth.

"Dog!" Blake yelped and jumped off Lydia's head. She clung onto one of the tree branches above her.

Yang set the stick down at Lydia's feet and barked. "Yang, no. I will not play fetch." Lydia shook her head. Yang barked once and drooped her ears. Lydia picked up the stick and chucked it as far away as she could. "There. No more…" Yang barked and dashed past the housecarl in a flash of golden fur. "…stick."

A few seconds later, Yang trotted back with the same stick in her mouth. She dropped it at Lydia's feet and barked up at her, tail wagging the whole way. Lydiahalf lidded her eyes and facepalmed again. She sighed while slumping her whole body. "I just can't win today." She let her arms hang by her sides and stared off into the forest. Yang stepped forward and licked the housecarl's right hand. Lydia opened her eyes fully and stared down at the wolf. Yang cocked her head with her tongue hanging out. Lydia averted her eyes. "I guess you're cute…"

* * *

 _Sneaky Little Dragon_ By xTRESTWHOx

"Alright girls, listen up!" Blake yelled in front of a stone wall. In front of her sat her team, M'rissi, and Inigo. Behind her was a bird's eye painting of a large fort, with large X's marking the placement of bandits, and there were a lot of X's. "Inside this building is the legendary McGuffin! We need the McGuffin because without it, this entire adventure we've been having for the past few days, one where I like to think we've all grown as people, will have been pointless."

"Yeah, we need that McGuffin!" Yang shouted as she pounded her fists together. "I say we just charge straight in! I'm itching for a fight!"

"No, no, no," Weiss interjected with a wag of her finger. "We need a more subtle, nuanced approach. I say we each use of magic to confuse them, make them attack each other before we pick them off with other magic."

"The problem is, there are too many bandits in Fort McForty for us to handle. These guys are super tough, and we'd have a hard time simply beating them all with fists or magic."

"Sez you!"

"I must agree with Yang."

"Regardless, running in is not an option. We need to be subtle, discrete, and stick to the shadows." Blake pointed her sword towards a back entrance to the fort, marked by a large arrow. "Here's what we are going to do. I am going to sneak inside and find the McGuffin, while you guys create a distraction outside of the McForty walls. This will allow me to—"

"Girls, I'm back!" Ruby kicked open the door and walked in, carrying a large object in her arms. "I got the McGuffin!"

"Thank you, Ruby. Now, as I was… Wait a minute." Blake looked back at the object in Ruby's arms. Indeed, it perfectly matched the McGuffin's description. Blake was at a loss for words as she let her jaw hang loose. Yang and Weiss did the same.

"I…" Weiss stammered, her eyes blank and confused. Yang was silent as she stared numbly at the McGuffin in a proud and smug Ruby's hands. Finally, the blonde rubbed her eyes and, seeing how the McGuffin was still there, looked straight into Ruby's eyes.

"…How?!" she demanded to know.

"Oh, I snuck in," Ruby nonchalantly answered as she placed the McGuffin on the table. "Phew, that thing is heavy."

"But…how did you get in?" Blake demanded to know as well.

"Oh, through the front gate."

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah, it was super easy, too."

* * *

" _Hey, what are you doing out there?!" a bandit archer yelled out from atop a rampart. Down below, outside the fort gate, he saw Ruby with her trademark red hood over her head. She was wearing a red and black skirt and was carrying a large wicker basket. Behind her, an unamused Lydia was wearing a yellow and black skirt and lugging a cart with several boxes laid atop it._

 _"Good afternoon, sir!" Ruby shouted back with a cheery voice. "We're with the Whiterun Forest Scouts, and we're selling cookies! Would you like some?"_

 _"… What kind of cookies?"_

 _"We've got everything! Chocolate chip, snickerdoodles, peanut butter. For a limited time, we're even offering a free Gummy Bear Cookie box with each purchase of a set of three!"_

 _"Ooh, do you have Candied Cookies?" another voice asked from behind the walls, alongside many other voices asking for specific types of cookies._

 _"Yes, we have all of those, and more! But, if you guys don't want them…"_

 _"For Stendarr's sake, open the gate!" a large voice bellowed from inside the fort. "I'm not losing my Thin Mints!" At his command, the gate opened, and Ruby skipped inside, Lydia following after her, still unamused._

* * *

"Ended up selling about a thousand septims worth of cookies in about thirty minutes." Ruby sighed wistfully as the others all stared at her blankly. Finally, Weiss shook herself back into focus and nodded.

"Well, I must commend you for your business sense. That was very smart." Ruby smiled at Weiss' compliment.

"Thank you!"

"Question," M'rissi asked. "How did selling them cookies allow you to get the McGuffin?"

"Oh, the Gummy Bear Cookies they all ate."

"… And that helps, because…?"

"They were sugar free gummy bears."

"Ah, I see." Yang nodded then shuddered. "Those poor guys."

"I don't get it."

"I'll explain it later," Inigo quickly cut in and patted a confused M'rissi's shoulder. "Please though, for now, spare us the details. I don't want to harm any virgin ears at this time."

"Oh, of course. Anyway, after about twenty minutes they all had to run and find a restroom, which let me sneak past the guards who hadn't eaten the cookies and grab the McGuffin! It was really easy, actually. I don't know why you overthought it so much."

Blake stared blankly at Ruby once again then slapped her forehead. "Okay, okay. No big deal. One final question: Where'd you learn to sneak?"

"Oh, I practiced on the Greybeards," Ruby answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"…What do you mean, on?"

* * *

" _Wulfgar, have you been feeling this slicing and stabbing pain in your back like I've been?" Arngeir asked his fellow Greybeard. A whistling sound was heard, followed by a faint slicing pain along his back. "It happened again! It's been happening all week!"_

 _Wulfgar merely shrugged. Another whistling was heard and Arngeir felt yet another pain along his back. He turned around to find the source but saw nothing. With his eyes narrowed, her turned back and sat down next to Wulfgar, joining him in meditation._

 _"I mean, it doesn't hurt, but it's annoying. Still, if I find whatever's doing this, I'm going to Shout it off the mountain."_

 _Wulfgar grunted in agreement, shaking High Hrothgar's walls and masking a faint snickering._

* * *

"I am now a sneak master!" Ruby declared with a smile while the rest of her team looked on with blank eyes.

* * *

 _Inigo's Chickens_ By xTRESTWHOx

Everyone was in Honeyside that morning, the smell of boiling stew and grilled fish filling Blake's new abode with its lovely aroma. She smiled to herself, letting it all soak in.

"Grrrr," Inigo growled as he stared outside the window, his eyes transfixed on the three demons outside. They were a danger to everyone here, and they just let M'rissi play with them and call them her pets.

"What 'cha looking at, Bluebells?" Yang asked as she walked over to the window. When she saw what he was fixated on, she scoffed. "Seriously, Inigo? Again?"

"They are spies and demons, waiting to catch us off guard."

"They're chickens."

"Buckah!" they heard a chicken cluck, making M'rissi squeal.

"Mreaow, Mr. Cluckles! You're so cute!" she said as she tightly held the bird for a hug.

"They've already transfixed M'rissi…" Inigo's observation was met with Yang's unamused stare and a roll of her eyes.

"Seriously, what is your problem with chickens?" she asked, making the Khajiit sigh.

"If you must know, it started years ago. When I was a strapping young lad…"

* * *

"Ah, the cool night air," a young, devilishly handsome blue Khajiit said to himself as he stood atop a village home, the light of Masser shining down on him. "The wind in my fur, the ambiance, the darkness. Perfect for some fun!"

He laughed in a way that, should any woman have heard, they would have instantly swooned and become smitten. Inigo then went silent as he crept through the night, stopping at nearby houses and taking small items from windowsills. He made sure to only take items no one would miss, as this was purely for fun. As he passed by the last house, he noticed it had a chicken farm in the back, with a few of them wandering around and pecking the ground. The sneaky Khajiit paid them no heed and took a few trinkets then left, a light chuckle escaping him as he made his way back to his room in the inn.

The next morning, Inigo woke up with a satisfied yawn and smelled the scent of fish cooking over the fire. The smell floated him to the door, as it was just so alluring. That alluring smell instantly ran away when Inigo opened the door to see an irritated guard standing in front of him, his arms crossed and thoroughly unamused.

"What can I do for you, sir?" Inigo asked, a bead of sweat forming atop his illustrious fur coat.

"We received reports of thefts last night."

"And you immediately suspect the Khajiit?" Inigo accused, trying to subtly find ways to escape his predicament.

"Eyewitnesses described a blue-furred Khajiit prowling last night," the guard immediately answered. Inigo's eyes widened. Who had seen him? "I'm going to have to ask you to come with me."

"I assure you, this is all a complete misunderstanding. I was in my room last night. Never left." As soon as he said that, his bag of ill-begotten goods fell out of his closet and onto the floor, spilling its contents all over the wooden floor.

"…"

"… How did that get in there?"

* * *

"He ended up taking me to jail, where I stayed for the next few days until they let me out. Things weren't quite the same afterwards, though. Eyes were always on me."

"The people there?"

"No, the people couldn't care less. I only took worthless trinkets, stuff they wouldn't have even noticed being gone. No, it was the chickens."

"Seriously?" Yang rolled her eyes, while Inigo grew quite animated.

"They were everywhere! On top of houses, in the streets, inside my room one time! I couldn't take five steps without stepping on one's tail feathers. What's more, every time I tried to have a bit of fun, the guards somehow got an eyewitness to perfectly describe me, even though the only ones around were the chickens! It didn't even matter when I left that village! The chickens there were watching me, too! They had communicated with each other, warning them of my presence!"

"Then what happened?" Yang asked, amused by his expressions.

"I… I snapped, and one day I just grabbed one and broke its thin little neck." Yang winced at his declaration, and he shook his head. "Yeah, I'm not proud of it either, but the worst were the residents. They…didn't take it well…"

"What'd they do?"

* * *

"Never should have come here!"

"Stop right there, criminal scum!"

"Murderer!" the angry mob shouted as they ran Inigo out of the village with torches and pitchforks.

"It was just a chicken!"

* * *

"They severely overreacted." Inigo's dry statement made Yang sigh and shrug.

"Well, that was…certainly interesting. But," Yang smiled and looked at M'rissi, still playing with the chickens, "I think I'll take my chances."

With that, Yang patted the Khajiit on the shoulder and left, leaving him to glare at the chickens. M'rissi then noticed Inigo staring in her direction, and she happily waved. He returned the gesture, and when M'rissi turned her back to him, he saw one of the chickens suddenly stare at him. Their eyes were transfixed on each other, only for Inigo to blink as the bird lifted its wing, pointed its tip at its eye, then back to Inigo.

"Why those little…!" Inigo snarled. He couldn't do anything, though, as M'rissi turned back to play with the chicken. Fuming, he glared at the foul fowl, knowing that one day, everyone would see the truth.


	4. Chapter 4

_*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme_

 _Dragon Rose Chibi!_

* * *

 **Magical Times  
**

Ruby skipped up to Jorrvaskr's backyard, where her sister was currently showing Athis the proper way to sock people.

"You gotta roll it up to get it-"

"Yang, I learned a new Alteration spell!" Ruby announced, causing Yang to jump a little in the midst of her demonstration.

"Ouch! My hangnail!"

"Sorry Farkas. What's up Ruby? You learn new spells all the time."

"Yeah, but look at this. It's called Prepare for Adventure!" Ruby then concentrated her magicka and let loose the spell, which then enveloped her whole body and glowed brightly for a moment. Once it faded, Ruby was clad in a white mage robe and matching boots, with an ivory circlet on her head and a white staff in hand. "It's like instant wizard equipment!" she gushed.

"Whoa! That's actually pretty cool. Makes me wish I could figure out Alteration beyond Candlelight."

"Yeah," Ruby bemoaned, realizing her sister couldn't quite join in the fun. Suddenly, an idea came to her mind. "I've got it!" Ruby sped off, leaving a Ruby shaped pile of rose petals that fell apart after a second. Yang shrugged and then looked back to proudly see Athis sock Farkas properly.

"Ah, that's better," the Companion sighed as he wiggled his freshly socked toes. "Anyways, now that that's been taken care of, let's get some practice in. Stamina training."

"Right," the Dark Elf agreed before picking up a stick and throwing it. Farkas and Yang both zeroed in on the stick before taking off after it, leaving the Dunmer scratching his head. "You know, I never understood…why we need to learn proper footwear placement."

* * *

M'rissi slowly looked over from behind a bush just outside of Whiterun, then ducked down before giggling. Blake came up and stared at the shrub for a moment before putting her hands to her hips and raising an eyebrow.

"What are you… Wah!" Before she could question her companion's behavior, she was yanked into the bush.

"Shhh," M'rissi warned her before giggling quietly. "She has decided to play a prank on the Battle-Borns and Gray-Manes."

"Wait," Blake whispered back, "both of them? M'rissi, that might not be such a good idea."

"No, no, it will be great! Just watch!"

Skeptically, Blake poked her face through along with her friend to watch for whatever it was that was going to happen. After a minute, Olfina Gray-Mane came into view, soon followed by Jon Battle-Born. The two met eyes, and Blake readied herself to intervene if necessary.

 _"Or you could just kill them both and make it seem like a mutual deathblow that will set off their families into a-"_

 _'Yeah, not doing that. No thanks.'_

"So, this is where we're meeting, eh?" Jon fired at Olfina.

"Yes, it certainly seems that way," Olfina shot back.

For a long, tense moment, their eyes never left each other. Blake was getting ready to jump in, and when both moved she leaped, only for M'rissi to grab her by the belt and pull her back. Just when she was about to object, she saw the two grab each other's hands and then press their cheeks together, bright smiles on both of their faces.

"Oh, it's so romantic! Look at the way the sunset paints the mountains!"

"And far out of view from anyone in Whiterun. Our families will never see us out here."

The two threw down a blanket and then sat upon it to watch the twilight's colors, an aura of adoration and love practically pouring off of them. M'rissi giggled intensely for a moment, having to hold her mouth shut to keep the sound from carrying.

"Wait… This was your idea of a prank?"

"Exactly!" she proudly answered with a toothy grin. "She made the perfect prank!"

"Well…this normally… You know what, good job."

* * *

Weiss set several things together before tapping a Soul Gem to them, causing magic to happen and most of a bunny to appear. Most, in that it was a living creature, but seemed to have no chest or forelegs, just a bunny head, a bunny bum with a bunny tail, and two bunny legs.

"Okay, not what I was going for at all," she admitted.

"What were you going for?"

"Hello Ruby. Well, it was supposed to be…" Weiss looked over to her partner. "What's with that smile?"

"What smile?"

"That's your 'I'm planning something that I call 'fun' but for others will be somewhat harrowing' smile."

"Did you air-quote inside of your air-quotes?"

"That's not… Never mind. What are you planning?"

"Iiiiiii'm planning to have fun!" Ruby announced before bringing her hands around to reveal five different staffs with various decorations about them. Weiss eyed them suspiciously before counting them a few times then humming to herself.

"Why are there five?"

"Well just because M'rissi's technically a grown-up doesn't mean she can't play with us cool kids."

"Okay… Then what about Lydia?"

"Oh, Yang set her up for a date."

 _Meanwhile, at the Bannered Mare…_

"You know… It's just… I feel sometimes… Have you…" Hrongar stuttered out while pushing peas around on his plate.

 _'Dang it, Yang!'_ Lydia thought.

 _With Ruby…_

"Okay guys, I worked really hard on the spell for these things, and it costs a lot to get custom enchanted staffs. Luckily I was able to get a good bargain."

"The Clavicus Mask, right?" Blake asked while M'rissi nibbled at the fish carved on top of her staff, Blake's having a cat head instead. Yang's had a wolf while Weiss' had a smiling snowflake. Ruby's had a happy dragon popping out of a rose, which she waved around joyously.

"Well, while I must say I'm impressed by your initiative, what do these staffs do?" Weiss asked.

"It's a surprise!" Ruby said while bouncing up and down rapidly.

"Eh, I down for it," Yang said before nodding. "Besides, we could use some fun. Let's do it!"

"Alright, let's use them all at one time!" Ruby directed.

The girls all raised their staffs, M'rissi following suit after being nudged, and then activated the power within them. Each felt themselves being cloaked in light, Ruby in rose red, Weiss in snowy white, Blake in dark purple, Yang in bright yellow, and M'rissi in forest green. The lights then all cleared, and each girl was clothed in a vested blouse, a logic-defying miniskirt, leggings ranging from knee to waist high, and stylish boots of varying heels. Circlets then appeared on each of their heads, finishing off with a gleaming gemstone that matched their color themes. The spell ended with each of them in a pose, Ruby and M'rissi smiling while the others looked at themselves confused.

"What just…" Weiss began.

"I made a magical girl spell!" Ruby proudly declared. "After I figured out how to do Prepare for Adventure, I decided to change it up a bit, but then I got so into it I made a different version for each of us! Now we can all be magical girls together!"

"Ee! She feels so purrty in this!" M'rissi twittered with a big grin. Blake looked herself over and then smirked.

"Well, it is a good fit."

"Hold on," Yang said before bending over for a second and then standing back up before looking down her blouse. "Okay, my shorts and shirt are still there. Let's have fun!"

The girls then turned to Weiss, who seemed to grimace for a moment before pulling out the Staff of Magnus with a ghost of a grin. "Only if I'm the main girl."

* * *

 _Hard Times_ _by xTRESTWHOx_

"I'm going to ask you all this once," Ruby demanded with a glare at her teammates, all three of which withered under her gaze. "How did all three of you get arrested with five thousand septim bounties each?"

"Heh heh, well…" Yang began with a sheepish grin from behind the bars of the jailcell. "That is a funny story.

" _Enlighten. Me._ "

* * *

 _Five Hours Earlier_

"Yo, Belathor!" Yang shouted as she, Blake, and Weiss entered his store.

"Why, hello there!" the gruffy shopkeeper greeted the huntresses. "Got just about everything in here. Give a holler if you see anything you like."

"Will do!" Yang flashed a thumbs up as she and her companions began browsing the store. Thumbing through a few different items, Yang hummed to herself and nodded. She then grabbed the item, intending to bring it to the shopkeeper and purchase it.

"Hey, you can't do that!" Belathor suddenly shouted as Yang stood in place, greatly confused. The others were as well, also holding an assortment of items, and they watched Belathor suddenly grow scared and run out the back of his shop. "You won't get away with this!"

As the door slammed behind him, Yang, Blake, and Weiss looked at each other. They hoped that any of them had an answer to explain his behavior, but none did.

"Did… Did he think we were stealing this?" Blake finally stated. "Why would he…?"

It was then that several Whiterun guards burst into the store, their weapons drawn as they surrounded the huntresses.

"Stop right there, criminal scum!" The fact that the guard said this while glaring at Blake causing the Faunus' hairs to stand on end in righteous anger.

"What are you talking about!? We didn't steal anything!" Yang shouted back as more guards appeared.

"That's what they all say!" the guard declared as he came over to arrest the huntress. Yang, however, wasn't having any of it, and she made her displeasure known by grabbing the man and hurling him out the window.

"You know what!" she yelled, eyes red as she cracked her knuckles.

"Yang, calm down," Weiss cautioned, even as Blake pulled out her weapons.

"You think we're criminal scum! I'll show you criminal scum!" With a final yell, Yang and Blake leapt into the crowd of guards, creating a cloud of dust as more and more denizens of Whiterun were dragged in. Weiss sighed before prepping a spell.

"Well, might as well." Then, with a final yell, Weiss leaped into the fray, ready to support her teammates through thick and thin.

* * *

"I have no regrets," Blake stated as Ruby slapped her forehead.

"Guys, why…?" Ruby stated. "Don't you know that shopkeepers here are super sensitive to that stuff? If you want to buy something, you have to talk to them."

"Well, we know that _now_."

* * *

 _ **Dragon Things Out**_ _by Cody Fett_

The four members of Team RWBY were sitting at their usual spot in The Bannered Mare celebrating another great victory.

"Well, girls," Ruby began, "it took a long time, and a few dramatic moments, but we finally helped Blake throw the Ebony Blade into the depths of Red Mountain, cured Weiss' vampirism, and removed Yang's lycanthropy."

The other three members of the team nodded enthusiastically.

"It's like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders," Weiss cheered.

"Who knew hagravens had so many varied uses?" Yang commented before eating a fist full of hagraven feathers. "Ow! My magicka!"

Blake ignored the pained explanation and commented as such. "So now that our souls are now free I guess it's time we focused on your dragon eating problem, Ruby. Don't worry, we'll get through this."

"Oh thank you, Blake!" Ruby said with a cheer and half-lidded eyes. "But could you, you know, not?"

The rest of the team looked at each other and their leader in surprise.

"Uh, are you sure you're OK, and not just a little dragony, Rubes?" Yang asked worriedly.

"Oh, Yang, I wish you hadn't said that," Ruby chucked as her eyes flashed into slits and Crescent Rose unfurled.

"Uh oh."

* * *

Some time later found Team WBY chained to tables as they worked tirelessly in a kitchen. Suddenly, the wall exploded inward, and in walked The Dragon Empress.

"Slaves! Are my cookies yet done?" the red head formerly known as Ruby Rose demanded imperiously.

"Yes, milady!" they all answered in a terrified tone.

The Draconic Lady was most displeased, and directed her anger towards one of her servants in particular.

"Weiss, just what did I tell you to always call me?!" The Dragon Empress demanded, getting up into the snowcapped mage's personal space.

"Uh, uh…" Weiss' eyes darted around. "Master?"

"No!"

"Mistress?"

"Wrong again! One more mistake, and you'll get the Jaune!"

Out from nowhere came Dawnbreaker, glowing with ethereal light and pointed at Weiss' throat, who by now was sweating profusely.

"Bestest best friend in the whole world?" Weiss answered, bracing for Oblivion.

Instantly the younger girl's entire demeanor changed, and she was happy and joyous once more. "That's right!"

After hugging her best best friend to the point of near suffocation, she began to walk back to the hole she had made in the wall. "Well, I'm off to have a long and flammable discussion with Heimskr, and why he's not kissing the ground I walk on. I didn't spend all that time mantling Talos for nothing, after all!" and with that The Dragon Empress pivoted around and faced the ground. Letting out a terrific FUS RO DAH she flew out through the hole in the wall with the recoil of her throat.

Left alone once more, Team WBY nervously looked at one another until Yang got her courage back.

"Don't worry, girls. I got the perfect plan to stand up to this oppression!"

* * *

Meanwhile, on the open road, Team LIME were conversing amongst themselves.

"Team, the day we have all feared has come," Lydia began. "My Thane is no longer the small girl of compact size that we all want to protect from the much taller world, for she has turned into a little tyrant with a Napoleon complex, whatever that is."

"I know what it is," Inigo quipped.

"M'rissi thinks that it's related to that ice cream girl that they sometimes complain about."

"We need not fear though," Lydia continued, "for with my new aura and semblance, not to mention my cool new transforming weapon, which of course has already been explained in great detail so no explanation is necessary…"

Everyone else agreed and nodded along.

"... We can defeat the tyrannical Dragon Empress, and bring freedom back to Tamriel! Now let's go!"

With a cheer, Team LIME moved out, only to almost immediately run into hunched over old lady.

"Excuse me dearies, but would you be willing to collect ten skeever pelts for me?"

Team LIME looked at each other, and their leader once again spoke. "I don't know, we are in a hurry."

"I'll pay you a hundred septims."

"We'll do it!"

* * *

In her evil lair/comfy lounge, The Dragon Empress laughed as she watched the scene through her crystal ball.

"Hehha, my fantastically roundabout scheme is nearly 32% finished."

At this satisfactory note she smiled evilly and bit into one of her chocolate chip cookies. Instantly, he eyes bugged out, and she fell out of her chair onto the floor coughing.

"Ack! Pepper! I am deposed!"

* * *

 _Shortcut_ _by xTRESTWHOx_

"Alright, everyone," Weiss proclaimed as she stood in front in front of an ancient Nordic ruin. Behind her was the rest of her team, each of them holding their weapons tightly in their hands. "Let's get this over with."

"I swear, if I have to go through _another_ ruin filled with undead," Yang grumbled as she and Lydia led the way inside. They were greeted by the sight of broken pots and crumpled stone, along with several mummified bodies. Yang stepped towards one, which immediately tried to rise to its feet with a groan.

" _Zu'u lost praan—"_ the draugr moaned, only for Yang to immediately punch its head off with one more punch.

"Sorry to disturb you!" Ruby apologized as she helped Weiss loot the ruin, while Yang sighed.

"Why is it that every single ruin has a legion of draugr in it?" she asked rhetorically, to which Blake shrugged.

"Beats me," she admitted while stabbing a rising draugr in the head, then looked further into the ruin and sighed. "Please tell me that we aren't going to have to go all the way through that, fight a bunch of draugr, solve puzzles so simple a five-year-old could do it, only to find a hidden entrance that leads straight into this room."

"I know! It happens every time!" Yang exclaimed as she threw up her arms in frustration. Before she could rant further, Ruby gasped in excitement.

"Hey, guys! Look what I found!" she called out, causing her team to walk over and see just what she had found. The sight caused Yang to groan.

"Oh, great. Looks like we found the secret passageway," she declared. Indeed, the secret entrance was quite obvious, from the clear incisions in the stone wall to the sign that said 'Secret Passage – Exit Only'.

"Looks like it," Weiss agreed with a nod, then turned and started to head deeper into the ruin. "Well, that loot's not going to gather itself."

"And my dragon word," Ruby pointed out as she and Lydia caught up to the vampire.

"That too."

Blake turned to run up to the others, only for everyone to stop as a loud bang came from behind them. They turned around sharply, their weapons drawn, only to see a red-eyed Yang pounding on the secret door repeatedly.

"Hey! I know you're in there! Open this door now, you stupid draugr!" she demanded. Weiss sighed and moved to chastise her teammate, only for a raspy voice to echo from the other side.

" _No way!_ " the voice called out, strangely speaking in Imperial Common.

"Listen, buddy. I know that I can get in through there," Yang pointed out, "If I have to walk all the way through this stupid ruin, just to get to you, I'm going to be very upset. That won't end well for you, so let us in and no one gets hurt."

" _Hah, you think you stand a chance?"_ the voice laughed haughtily, " _I got, like, fifteen draugr in here, so bring it!_ "

"Grrgh," Yang growled, the hairs on the back of her head standing on end, then banged on the door one last time. "Oh, he is so going to get it."

With that final word, Yang stomped past her teammates, each of them standing still as they watched the brawler disappear from view.

"Is… Is she going to be okay?" Lydia asked. She got her answer from the sounds of carnage going off in the distance, accompanied by wolf howls.

"Eh, she'll be fine," Ruby stated, her words punctuated by a faint explosion. "Just let her sort things out."

A few moments later, the secret door was finally opened, and a happy Yang tossed the head of a Dragon Priest to her team.

"Found a shortcut, guys."


	5. Chapter 5

***Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme***

 **Dragon Rose Chibi!**

* * *

 _Flesh Wound by xTRESTWHOx_

* * *

When Ruby had heard of a large group of bandits hiding out in a nearby ruin, she had practically jumped at the chance to bring them to justice. Her team was only too happy to come along with her, and although the number of archers there was annoying, they had emerged unharmed.

The same, however, could not be said for Lydia.

"Lydia, I need you to stay calm for me, okay?" Ruby insisted as she and the rest of her team inspected a confused housecarl.

"Okay…Why?" Lydia asked with a raised eyebrow as Weiss circled around the Nord, yellow Restoration magic pulsing from her hands.

"It's going to be okay, alright," Yang soothed the even more confused housecarl, "Blake, where are those potions?"

"Give me a second," the Faunus insisted as she quickly sorted through her bag, pulling and throwing out anything that wasn't a health potion. "Magicka potion, magicka potion, cure disease, magicka potions – Weiss, why do you have so many magicka potions!?"

"Why do you think?" Weiss replied with an annoyed glare, even as Blake tossed her one of the blue bottles. She downed it quickly, then continued her healing of Lydia.

"Um…" Lydia began, "while I'm grateful that you guys care for me this much…I don't understand exactly what brought this on."

"Don't understa…" Weiss stopped and stared at the housecarl incredulously. "You have fifty arrows sticking out of your back like a porcupine!"

"Hmm?" Lydia paused and craned her neck around to see that Weiss was, indeed, correct. Her back was absolutely covered in arrows, several of which were stained red. "Huh, what do you know. How did those get there?"

"You took all of the arrows that were meant for me, Lyd," Ruby explained, a grateful but worried look on her face. "Please don't do that again."

"My Thane, I am sworn to—"

"Found it!" Blake suddenly exclaimed as she pulled out a red healing potion. With a smile on her face, she ran over to the housecarl and handed it to the Nord, who looked down upon it before shaking her head.

"Save it, I'm fine," she declared, causing the Huntresses to stare at her, all of them flabbergasted.

"…What do you mean you're fine?!" Weiss finally shouted, gesturing towards the arrows filling her back.

Lydia shrugged. "Eh, just a flesh wound."

"Just a flesh wound!?" Weiss shouted hysterically. "How is that a—"

Weiss was interrupted by a loud popping sound as the arrows were ejected from Lydia's back. They fell to the ground with a faint clatter, forming a small pile as Lydia sighed in relief and rubbed her back gingerly.

"You know what, that does feel better, actually. Should have gotten those out earlier, I think," she said through a wide smile.

"…I… I don't…" Weiss and the others stammered as they alternated between staring at the pile of arrows and Lydia's unblemished back. If they didn't know any better, it was almost as though she wasn't shot with an arrow at all, much left fifty.

"Honestly, you girls made far too much of a deal about this," Lydia chastised the huntresses before shrugging and walking off. After a moment of blank staring, Ruby shook herself back to her senses and smiled.

"Oh well. All's well that ends well!" she declared before happily skipping after her housecarl, leaving behind the rest of her team. They couldn't help but stare at the one arrow still sticking out of Lydia, which itself jetted out of her still quite functional knee.

"… You know what, I'm done. I'm done questioning this," Weiss announced and threw up her hands in resignation, Blake and Yang nodding in agreement alongside her.

[~][~]

* * *

 _Plan of Attack by xTRESTWHOx_

* * *

"Alright, so where we going?" Ruby asked as she, Lydia, and the rest of team RWBY walked along a paved road.

"Dunno," Yang replied with a shrug. "I go where the road takes me."

"The last time you did that, it took you to the middle of the Morthal swamp," Blake pointed out with a blank stare.

"Where I found a bandit stronghold, so it all turned out well!" Yang smiled, and Blake could only sigh. The blonde then turned around and began sniffing the air. "You know, I'm surprised we haven't come across any yet."

"Yang, please," Weiss scoffed. "Look at us. Ruby's wearing full dragonscale, Blake's still wearing her Brotherhood armor, you scream Companion, and that's not even including our weapons and magical skill. Ruby's even throwing a ball into the air with her Thu'um."

"It's true!" Ruby shouted as she continued to knock a leather ball into the air with bursts of Unrelenting Force.

"Exactly. Who in their right mind would try to rob us?"

* * *

High above them on the mountainside, three men and a woman watched the travelers pass by. All four were wearing leather armor with iron swords strapped to their belts. The woman, a Redguard, currently had an iron-tipped arrow in between her fingers, while a Breton man relayed information on their targets.

"Reachman, what do we have?" one of the Nords asked while looking at his iron axe.

"Five travelers, all female," the Breton replied. "Heavily armed, too. Dragonscale, some sort of custom Dwemer armor. And their swords… Their equipment looks nice."

"Wealthy, then," the woman figured with a smile.

"That they are. I think the one in red dragonscale may be the Dragonborn, too. What with all the Shoutin' she's doing."

"Which means if we kill her, all the glory to us!" the other Nord declared with a sinister smile. He then looked around to his comrades with an inquisitive stare. "So, what do we got?"

"Let's see," the Redguard woman began sorting through their inventory. "We got…leather straps to tie them up, iron weapons, one of which is rusted beyond use, I got my hunting bow, and the Reachman is a novice mage. And they have, what exactly?"

"Dragonscale, steel, Dwemer, Orcish, and I think the Khajiit has a Daedric dagger on her. I swear that the katana on her back is givin' me the stink eye, somehow. Also, fairly certain that the mage with them is an archmage."

"Even odds, then," the two Nords declared while standing upright. "Alright, let's do this."

* * *

Team RWBY and Lydia continued to walk down the road before a quintuplet of bandits, all wearing and carrying shoddily made equipment, jumped out and surrounded them. Their weapons aimed at the dragonslayers and housecarl, one of them began to try and boss them around.

"You picked a bad time to get lost, fri—"

They never got to speak another word as the bandits immediately got assaulted by powerful spells, pinned by ebony arrows and steel crossbow bolts, before finally being shouted straight off the mountain. As the bandits disappeared from view, RWBY and Lydia stared after them before looking at each other.

"Well, those guys were idiots. Seriously, did they think they could take us on?"

"Never doubt the stupidity of Skyrim's bandits," Lydia advised and continued on. The rest shrugged after a moment, putting the encounter behind them.

[~][~]

* * *

 _Carry Your Burdens by xTRESTWHOx_

* * *

Team RWBY and Lydia were traveling down another ancient Nordic ruin. The housecarl was holding a torch aloft, the fire casting a gentle light over everything around them.

"Hold," Weiss ordered as she paused by a large urn. Prying open the heavy lid, she reached down and pulled out a handful of coins and some jewels. Inspecting them closely, she smiled and nodded to herself before pocketing them.

"Hey, Lyd?" Ruby called out once they began moving again.

"Yes, my Thane?" Lydia replied. Ruby remained silent as she watched Weiss pick some discarded items off a table and stuff them into her pouch.

"Do you mind helping Weiss with her graverobbing? Something tells me that, by the time we're out of here, we're going to be a couple hundred pounds heavier."

Lydia looked at Weiss once more then back at the happily expectant Ruby, who was smiling warming at her, then sighed.

"I am sworn to carry your burdens," Lydia noted, and Ruby smiled even more.

"And Weiss is a part of those burdens. Thanks, Lyd."

Lydia nodded back at her Thane then walked over to assist Weiss. The vampire regarded her for a moment before nodding, and the two continued to loot some nearby boxes.

"You know, it's kinda funny how insistent Weiss has become about looting everything in sight," Yang stated with a mirthful expression.

"Rich girl's gotta get rich again, somehow," Ruby joked, and Yang laughed alongside her sister. Blake let out an amused chuckle. Only to stare slightly confused when Weiss opened a small jar and pulled out five large potion bottles. Weiss looked at them for a moment then asked Lydia for her appraisal, but Blake could barely hear what they were saying as her entire attention was focused on her newest loot.

"What's up, Blake?" Yang asked, her eyebrow raised.

Blake shook her head and recomposed herself. "Nothing, it's just… Those potions Weiss just pulled out?"

"Yeah, what about 'em?"

"I can't help but feel that there were too many in that jar. It shouldn't have held that many potions of that size, yet it did."

"Really?" Ruby paused to focus her eyes at the potions in question. The more she looked, the more she could see Blake's point. "Huh, what do you know. Maybe its like those times when you pour something from a can into a glass and it surprisingly fills it up?"

"Maybe…" Blake was unsure, but the group shook it off and pressed on. Now that the subject was in their minds, however, they were unable to stop themselves from staring at each container Weiss and Lydia came across. As before, Weiss made sure to loot each one, pulling out the items and discarding the worthless junk while storing the valuables between herself and the housecarl. Weiss, in her appraisal state of mind, paid no heed to the size of the containers she was looting, merely the contents held within. Rare alchemy ingredients, silver and gold ingots, various jewelry and gemstones, not to mention a large amount of coins. She was looking fairly pleased with herself, as was Lydia.

The other three, however, were paying attention to anything but the items pulled. More and more, the group was at wits end to try and rationalize how the increasingly smaller and smaller containers were able to hold so many things at once without any deformations. A small apothecary satchel no bigger than their palm holding nearly five pounds of ingredients without a single bulge, multiple ingots stored inside a small chest that should have only held five yet apparently contained ten, and much more. They were quickly running out of justifications as they tried to explain away the increasingly blatant violation of the laws of physics.

"Look, there has to be a logical explanation to all of this. They must have simply organized the ingots systematically. Like Metris!" Yang declared as she watched Weiss pull yet another assortment of ingots out of an even smaller box.

"Yeah, that's totally it," Ruby quickly agreed, not wanting to even consider the alternative. "I mean, something bigger on the inside than on the outside? Hah, how silly is that?!"

"I know! It's impossible!" Yang awkwardly laughed, with Ruby joining alongside her. Blake, meanwhile, stared ahead with a blank, broken expression.

"...how…?" she whispered. Before the others could even attempt to reassure her, Weiss and Lydia stopped by a large table holding a single lockbox. It was the size of both of their fists held together side to side, and as Weiss fiddled with it the others watched with baited breath. They hoped beyond hope that whatever was inside would make sense, and when Weiss finally opened the lockbox they felt their breaths hitch.

When she pulled out a full set of heavy armor, the sound of broken glass announced the breaking of whatever was left.

"Oh sweet! Dwarven armor, and a full set, too!" Weiss cheered. Lydia looked the armor over and nodded before taking it and placing it in her back. The three Huntresses couldn't help but notice how Lydia's backpack seemed to place the entire set inside without any change, almost as if nothing went inside at all. However, when Lydia moved to follow after Weiss once more, she seemed to now be walking in slow motion.

"Uh oh." The housecarl frowned while everyone else turned to her in confusion.

"What's wrong?" Weiss called back to her.

"I've hit my limit. I can't bear this much weight." Despite her words, Lydia showed no trace of strain in her face nor voice. "I need to lighten the load."

She rummaged in her pack briefly before pulling out a tiny vial of cheap health potion and dropping it on the stone floor with a clink.

"Okay, I'm good to go now," she announced before continuing on with a completely normal stride. Before anyone could respond to what just happened, the Nord paused as she spotted a handful of septims scattered under the table that they had missed and nimbly scooped them up and into her pack with a smile.

"B-but… that's-," Ruby stuttered in consternation, not even sure where to being, finally drawing Lydia and Weiss' attention to the peanut gallery.

"Is something wrong, my Thane?"

"Well, I mean… Aren't those gold coins heavier than that potion you just threw away?" The question just made Weiss scoff before answering in the tone one uses when explaining things to a child.

"Don't be silly, Ruby. You should know by now that coins don't weigh anything. Now if they were a gold ingot or jewelry instead, then we might have a problem." Lydia nodded in agreement while the former heiress turned away dismissively. When the pair continued, Yang, Ruby, and Blake stayed rooted to their original positions.

"… A wizard did it." Yang announced with absolute conviction. The others looked at her then back at the lockbox for a pregnant pause before nodding.

"That'll work."

[~][~]

* * *

 _Overly Explicit Fanservice by me_

* * *

"Hehehe," an elf in robes cackled as he started casting magic around, making a farmer cower in fear as his vegetables were being uprooted.

"No, my livelihood!" the simple working man despaired. "Now how will I feed my children?!"

"Who cares? Soon, I will have an army of fruit and veggie golems with which I will-"

"Dragon Guard Golden Punch!" a voice shouted before a golden blur rushed in and smashed his face. The evil conjurer was flung into the air with a shout.

"Dragon Guard Shadow Kick!" another yelled before a girl appeared out of nowhere and kicked him back towards the ground. Something then caught him by his neck and held him still.

"Dragon Guard Crimson Headlock! Now, Weiss!"

The girl in white and blue sighed. "Can't believe I agreed to this… Dragon guard white magic drain," she called out unenthusiastically before pointing the Staff of Magnus at him.

Engaged, the semi-sentient object responded before draining out every bit of magic from the evil mage.

"No!" he cried out before going limp. Another girl in green hopped in and smiled while holding up her index and middle fingers in a V.

"Dragon Guard Victory Pose!" she cheered before all five flamboyantly dressed girls came in for said pose.

"You saved my crops!" the farmer cried out gratefully, tears of joy replacing those of sadness. "How can I ever repay you?!"

"No need, citizen," Ruby responded with a shake of her head. "Helping those in peril is a reward of its own." Weiss then slid in-between them, to Ruby's bewilderment.

"But we will accept any donations you're freely willing to spare our way."

"In that case…" The farmer practically dumped a load of cabbages, potatoes, and carrots into Weiss' arms. "Harvest looks pretty good, but these'll take a while to get ready for storin'. But now that they're plucked I can't eat or ready them all in time. Thanks again, you brave heroines!"

"It was no problem," Weiss grunted while holding up the mass of veggies. Yang grabbed the unconscious mage by the leg and began dragging him away, M'rissi pawing at his cape dragging along behind him.

"Have a good day, sir!" Ruby said while effortlessly picking up Weiss and the veggies and then walking away with them.

* * *

"Ah, it feels great making the world a safer place," Ruby said as they skipped down from Dragonsreach.

"It feels great getting the reward money for a finished task!" Weiss added.

"It feels great having money for fishies!"

"Heck yeah it does!"

"Carlotta might have some salmon," Yang reckoned before taking the lead as their skips toned down to a normal walk. "I bet… Whoa, hot dog!" Yang let out a wolf whistle and laughed as the single mother merchant turned to her. "What's up with the mini-skirt, Carly? Decided to try and catch a man's eye?"

"No!" the woman angrily retorted before crossing her arms. "I don't know what happened, but it's affecting all the clothes!"

"Did someone go and vandalize your whole wardrobe?" Weiss asked in worry.

"Not just her. Look at the whole town," Blake pointed out. The girls looked and gasped. Every woman who was neither old (like Frailia and Lillith) nor very young (like Braith) had skirts that ended above their knees. Some had seemed to accept it – whether begrudgingly or with hardly any notice – while others seemed to be trying different ways to hide themselves one way or another.

"Cheese and crackers!" Ruby exclaimed.

"Someone cut almost all of the dresses in Whiterun?" Yang asked incredulously.

"No. Look at this." Carlotta held up a normal looking blue dress. "Perfectly normal right? Should reach my ankles, right?"

"Yeah," Ruby agreed.

"So why not wear that one?" Weiss asked.

"Here. I will." Carlotta put the dress…away, and then changed into it instantaneously. However, several inches went missing from the dress' hem, causing the woman to sigh. "Every. Single. Dress. And it's been getting worse." Suddenly, the blouse seemed to shrink up, with its cut even opening further to reveal more of the woman's bust. "Damnit!" she cried out while trying to cover herself, men ogling her way…as well as in every other woman's general direction.

"What in the world could be causing this?" Weiss wondered aloud. "And why haven't we been-" Just as she thought it, the team's clothes seemed to shift. Yang felt her top get a little tighter while her jacket lost all of its buttons. A chest window appeared on both her and Ruby's blouses, though neither was too large, and Blake's shirt receded up to show more of her belly.

"Whoa!" Yang yelped in surprise. "I guess we never noticed the skirts because you two are the only ones wearing them and they're already…relatively short."

"Now that I think about it, I thought it was feeling smaller," Ruby thought aloud while self-consciously pushing down at her combat skirt. "I just hoped I was growing. Thank goodness for leggings, right?"

"Oh, those will only help you for so long," a masculine voice chortled from behind them. The girls gasped and turned to see none other than Sam Guevenne.

"Sangu- I mean, Sam!" Ruby shouted while pointing out the Daedra disguised as a man. "You're the one behind this?!"

"Yes! For I have finally found the right Magical Object Designations for women's clothing everywhere!" Purple magic swirled around him, revealing his Daedric form, bereft of the armor from last time and a good bit taller. People screamed and ran around as he laughed and crossed his arms. "Now, it is all mine to form as I wish. And I will- Ow! Ow! Stop that!"

Aela was biting at his ankles, rage in her eyes and what looked like a metal bikini on her body.

"This armor is not practical!" she decried when he kicked her off.

"Um, where was I? Oh, right. I now have full control to change them all on a whim, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" The Daedric Prince of Debauchery laughed manically while Team RWBY and M'rissi took a stand against him.

"Okay guys, there's only one thing we can do to stop him," Ruby called out.

"Our other Daedric artifacts?" Blake asked.

"Just kill all the women. Problem solved."

"Hush, Mephala."

"Actually, that was just the murderous bit of me within the sword. I'm totally okay with this continuing."

"No." Ruby pulled out her Magical Girl staff. "It's time for…the Dragon Guard!"

"Oh right," Yang intoned as though it was obvious. "This totally matches up."

Weiss shook her head and started to respond, "I think this is a little more serious than-"

"Dragon Guard Assemble!" Ruby Shouted, causing all of the girls to pull out their own Magical Girl staffs, albeit a little more reluctantly for Weiss.

Ruby cast hers and was surrounded by red rose petals that swirled around her and she spun around, shining as they fell upon her skin and spread and connected to one another, forming her skirt, blouse, leggings, shoes, and ruby-encrusted tiara that all seemed to be made of either rose stems or petals before striking her pose.

"Dragon Guard Red, Flying Dragon!"

M'rissi's casted and surrounded her in leaves, fish scales, and threads of green that wove into each other to form a scaled skirt, leafy blouse, and wooden tiara with a jade at its center. She made spinning flip and landed on one knee for her pose.

"Dragon Guard Green, Running Jaguar!"

Yang cast hers and was surrounded in flames that spun around her limbs and body before seeming to burn into her clothing; a skirt that waved with orange flame patterns, a blouse shaped like a large flaming yellow heart, and a tiara of gold with a pair of citrines and an alexandrite evenly spread on its front. She punched her fists together and winked.

"Dragon Guard Gold, Flaming Wolf!"

Blake's was cast and she became partially cloaked in shadowy mist that shifted to purple in places. A night black skirt, a blouse of purple, a cross-laced black corset, and an ebony tiara with an amethyst appeared around her. She spun into a spread crouch, at the ready in her pose.

"Dragon Guard Black, Hidden Panther!"

Weiss cast her staff and was surrounded by falling snow, in which she pirouetted s it collected on her, slowly falling away as she slowed to a stop, revealing her white skirt, blouse, and tiara, all trimmed in baby blue with a large, blue ribbon on her back and single pearl on her silver tiara. She then took a swan pose at the back of the group as the Staff of Magnus came to her hand.

"Dragon Guard White, Singing Swan!"

Having watched and waited, Sanguine stopped eating his Daedric popcorn for a moment to clap, while most everyone else had stopped screaming and panicking to watch in confusion.

"I don't get it," one of the clan heads muttered, no one could tell which.

"Well, that was really nice girls, but you'll never defeat me like that," the God of Sin declared smugly.

"Oh yeah?" Ruby said as though in a dare while raising up the conjured staff. "Wait until you get a taste of the Super Dragon Guard's Flying Magical Barrage!" She leaped up and shouted as she readied herself to fire said barrage, but then let out a high-pitched squeal when she felt an odd breeze and looked down to see what had caused it, dropping her staff and holding down the hem of her skirt as she returned to the ground. Someone whistled and Yang spun around to threaten the perpetrator.

"Who did it?! Mikael! You want three black eyes?!"

"It wasn't me!"

"I'm sorry!" Lars apologized while running with tears in his eyes, Braith suddenly chasing after him with nearly as much anger as Yang held.

"Wha-wha- What happened?!" Ruby screamed in confusion.

"That's what happens when you jump around in skirts, dear," Carlotta pointed out from behind the cauldron she was using as cover.

"Not these! I specifically made them with Remnant's anti-upskirt technology! We've jumped around in them before and that never happened until-"

"Until now!" Sanguine evilly laughed. "Did you think your blasphemous technology would hold up against me? All of the clothing is at my command, including how reactive it is to wind resistance." He blew out a breath, summoning up a wind that made almost all of the women between sixteen and fifty scream as they tried to hold their clothes down, with the exception of Yang.

"Ha, I was wearing shorts underneath the whole time!"

"No, you weren't," M'rissi pointed out. "Actually…" Yang arched an eyebrow before checking, then gasped.

Sanguine laughed again, but then started hopping around as Yang charged and started biting at his other ankle. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"You let everyone see my-" she screamed as she was kicked off and into Heimskr's roof.

"I just thatched that, you evil cretin!" the priest yelled.

"Well, whatever. I'm done expositing this to all of you. Now I have to go and make sure the world is properly…" he made a huge, toothy grin "lewdified."

He disappeared as all of the women cried out, Ruby especially. As Yang rejoined them, the girls tried to figure out what to do, but none of them could.

"I don't think that portal will still be there," Weiss concluded when they tried to suggest heading to Morvunskar.

"I think I know what you can do," a womanly voice said to them, catching their attention. They turned to see Danica Pure-Spring, who was trying desperately to take steps that weren't too large.

"Holy smokes!" Yang exclaimed. "If your robes were any shorter, they'd just be a shirt!"

"I am very much aware of that, but more importantly, I think I know how you can stop Sanguine's debauched plans."

"Well let's hear it," Blake said while fanning herself with a cloth fan. "Not sure how much of this I can take."

"Getting the vapors over there?" Yang teased her.

"…shut up."

"Listen heroes, there may only be one being who can stop this. A god whose love is as pure as Sanguine's lust is debased. We need the help of Mara."

"Thought you'd say Kynareth," Ruby pointed out. Danica cleared her throat while averting her eyes.

"Well… I may be devout to her, but…she's more of the Goddess of Nature and Wind than… The point is, Mara is the Goddess of unconditional and familial Love, even more pure than Dibella's lover's Love. She will not allow such sacrilege to continue in her world, corrupting its people's minds and drawing them away from her and the other Eight Divines."

"So, we need to get Mara's help," Ruby decided. "For that, we've got to go to her temple in Riften…which is way over there." Weiss adjusted Ruby's hand so that she was actually pointing southeast rather than towards Falkreath. "Well, there's no time to lose, gang. We have to stop Sanguine from perverting the world."

A button popped loose and Yang's hand snapped up to cover her further revealed cleavage.

"And then I'm punching him for this!"

 _To be Continued…_


	6. Chapter 6

_xTRESTWHOx_

 _*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme*_

Dragon Rose Chibi!

 _Five Century Rule_

* * *

"Yang, don't."

"Don't what?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, and I'm telling you, no."

"I wasn't going to do anything, though."

Blake tilted her head and stared into Yang's eyes disbelievingly. Yang stared right back defiantly before both turned their heads to look back at the fully set table before them. It was truly a magnificent spread, containing apples, smoked meats, and several sweet rolls. Both Yang's and Blake's mouths watered at the sight and smell, and both considered digging in.

The fact that they found said meal in the middle of an ancient, undisturbed for millennia Nordic ruin was the only thing that gave them pause.

"How did it even get in here?" Yang asked as she scratched her head. "Just, seeing this raises _so_ many questions. Did the draugr go out and gather it? If so, from where and to what lengths? Did they grow the ingredients? If that was the case, then where are the farms and trees? You and I didn't see any coming in."

"I just want to know who's going to eat it," Blake added. "Cause it sure ain't the draugr."

"Hmm," both girls hummed, deep in thought as they studied the feast intensely. Behind them, they could hear Weiss continue to loot the dungeon alongside an excitable Ruby, who was gushing over the latest enchanted weapon she had found. The two paid them no heed, picking up a few morsels of food to get a closer look. To their amazement – and bewilderment – the food was perfectly fresh, almost as though it was placed there just five minutes earlier. Some of it was even still hot.

"Why…?" Blake asked as she held a sweet roll closer to her face, feeling the sugary smell filter through her nostrils. She wanted nothing more than to take a bite but forced herself to place the pastry back onto the table. Yang appeared to be having a harder time doing so with a slab of grilled venison, prompting Blake to gently force Yang's hand back down.

"Come on, we'll get some food outside. Some we can _trust_."

"… Yeah, that's probably for the—"

Any further words from Yang were halted as a tired Lydia plopped down on a seat next to them, causing the two Huntresses to slightly jump.

"Oh," Lydia breathed heavily as she drank some water from her canteen. Seeing the confused looks on their faces, Lydia began to explain, "Weiss just had me carry a bunch of weapons, armor, ingots and ores back to the horses outside."

"That was two hours ago," Blake pointed out. "We're only, like, five-hundred feet from the door."

"I was over-encumbered," Lydia clarified as she capped the lid on her canteen. "Gods, I'm starving. Any of you have some food?"

"Um, no. We got this, though." Yang pointed to the table in front of them. "Not sure if you want to eat it. We kind of found it here."

"Really?" Lydia asked as she studied the table. Both Blake and Yang nodded, and soon after Lydia shrugged then took a large bite out of a grilled slab of venison.

"Thanks," she mumbled through a full mouth as she walked away, no worse for wear. Both Huntresses stared slack-jawed at the sight, then turned back to the table. They ruminated silently over it, before a large grin broke out on Yang's face.

"Alright, free food!" Yang declared as she grabbed a sweet roll and hoisted it to her mouth.

"Yang, no-!" Blake warned, but it was too late as Yang swallowed the pastry whole in one bite. Blake stared in silent horror as Yang chewed, savoring the taste before gulping it down. She smacked her lips, darting her tongue around the rim of her mouth before smiling at Blake.

"See, Blakey? Perfectly—BLUEAH!" Yang suddenly threw up the contents of her stomach, forcing her to her knees in absolute agony. "OH GODS, WHY?!"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT IT!"

"YOU WERE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG! BLUEAGH!"

* * *

[~]

* * *

Jesse (ME)

 _*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme*_

Dragon Rose Chibi!

Overly Explicit Fanservice 2

* * *

"Well, guys, it was a harrowing adventure," Ruby said with exhaustion, "full of danger, drama, and way too many panty shots, but we've finally got all the pieces of the Steam Nexus, just like Mara said to." The Dragonborn then indicated the large Dwarven contraption that they had painstakingly pieced together.

"And now we can finally get control back from Sanguine!" Yang cheered.

"And not a moment too soon," Weiss griped as she tried to keep her skirt down. "Seriously, if this thing gets any shorter, it'll legally be considered a belt."

"All right! Switch on the doohickey already," Blake demanded while trying to cover her chest. "I want to wear shirts, not bikini tops!"

"Okay, switch on!" Ruby declared as she flipped the lever. The massive bronze object whirred to life and began pouring out steam from above, but before it could begin to do whatever it was supposed to, a portal opened some distance away and a handful of fat Daedra came out with a palanquin carrying Sanguine and two underdressed female Daedra nuzzled up to him.

"Well, congrats heroes, but I can't let you undo all of my hard work," he announced as he stood up and the Daedra began pulling out weapons. Several smaller portals opened, and even more Daedra came out as well.

"Are they wielding…" Blake pointed out fearfully.

"Oh, that's just gross," Yang blehed.

"All right, minions, attack!"

The mass of Daedra charged and the girls stood against them, Yang punching with all her might, Weiss stabbing and casting spells, Blake jumping around cutting and kicking, and Ruby speeding around and yelling.

"There's too many of them!" Weiss cried out as she did her best to avoid being hit by their vibrating weapons.

"Do not worry!" they heard before looking up to see M'rissi standing on the machine, to which Ruby and Weiss covered their eyes due to the angle. "She has brought help!"

Suddenly women of all walks of life came from around the machine and started fighting against the perverted masses. Unfortunately for the easily distracted Daedra, most people in Skyrim knew how to at least throw a punch, whereas most of them went through every day only lazing about and eating. Sanguine face-palmed and sighed as he stepped down.

"If you want something done right." His body quickly grew until he was over a hundred feet tall, and he laughed while aiming a kick at the machine. Unfortunately for him, a giant golden dragon head popped out of the sky and bit down onto his ankle. "Ow! Oh come on!"

" **No! Bad Daedra! You went past the limit!"**

"I am, like, ten more minions away from the limit!"

" **Size expansion counts towards the limit!"**

"What? Since when?" A scroll hung down from the clouds, and the Daedric Prince peered at it closely. "Oh, okay. Should've read that more closely."

Ruby jumped up into the air and took in a deep breath while the other four jumped up near her, forming a triangular shape.

" **Super Dragon Guard's Flying Magical Barrage!** " they all called out, Ruby's voice translating it into Dovahzul for them. An intense magical attack the likes of which no one there had ever viewed before fired out, hitting the debauched enemies head-on but only leaving the innocent slightly blinded by its pure light.

"That was amazing!"

"I've never seen anything so beautiful!"

The Daedra screamed as they were banished from the Mundal Realm, and Sanguine groaned.

"Hey, that put me back under the limit, right?" he asked while looking back at the Dragon God.

" **Yeah, I guess."** Then Akatosh let go and went back up into the heavens to continue making sure Time kept functioning correctly. " **Good luck with the next part. You'll need it."**

"Huh, what does he mean by that? Eh, whatever. Now I'm gonna stomp this thing so I can-" The Steam Nexus suddenly poured a beam of golden light straight into the sky, sending out a chime that made everyone over forty cover their ears. "Oh, now what?!"

"Now, you're finished!" Ruby called out as all the women's clothing slowly returned to their normal state. The God of Sin stared in disbelief and tried to reactivate his power over the Magical Object Designations, but nothing responded.

"No! It can't be! How?!"

"Your pervert pandering is nothing compared to true fanservice! And now, in the name of the Divines, we shall punish you!"

From the light of the Steam Nexus, an arm hefting a hammer formed and reared itself back. Sanguine stared in disbelief and tried to get away, but then yelped as he felt something bite his ankles. Yang held him in place with her teeth while Aela seemed to just be biting at him, but it was enough. The hammer came down as he screamed, smashing against his chest and slamming him into the ground, where a giant Sanguine-shaped dent was made. The light faded along with the massive arm and hammer, and the crowd could plainly see the word for 'banned' emblazoned on his chest in several languages.

"We did it!" The crowd began cheering uproariously at the defeat of the Daedric Lord, and Sanguine shrunk back down to his normal size before getting up to his feet.

"Ah well, at least I had fun," he muttered while brushing himself off.

"You call that fun?!" Weiss shouted at him.

"Of course it was! Watching you guys traipse around and slowly grow used to your tiny clothes while you fought against masses of Dominating Mazken and Lustful Shrikes was entertainment at its best. Not to mention the battle against the Beast of a Hundred Backs."

"Wait, is that what you call that weird tentacle monster?" Yang wondered aloud.

"I was both shocked and disappointed by that thing," Blake recalled.

"It's because it didn't actually go for-"

"La la la! There are innocent minds here!" Ruby interrupted them while pointing out M'rissi.

"Mreow? But I am twenty-three, and I already know all of these things."

"What?! No! Who would have done such a thing?!"

Zora sneezed and excused herself to the women she was nearby.

"Regardless, it was fun, even if I lost. Hope we can have as much fun next time, girls, but Uncle Sanguine has some responsibilities to tend to, like making sure other people put off their own to go drinking." With that, the Daedric Prince opened up a portal and stepped through while waving at them.

* * *

Back at the Bannered Mare, the girls could finally relax.

"Well, the day is saved, and now everyone can dress modestly again." Ruby almost coughed up her drink when she saw something. "Oh no! The Steam Nexus missed some!"

"Oh no, I'm dressed like this on purpose," the bar wench explained. "Now that everyone in town's dressing up modestly again, I can get all the lady-lovers' attention." With that, she went back to the bar while most of the male patrons' gazes followed her, as well as more than a few female ones.

"Oh, uh, well, at least now we have the choice."

"To freedom of choice!" Yang called for a cheer.

"Freedom of choice!" they all toasted before taking a drought. Weiss then began tapping her chin.

"Say, now that we used the Steam Nexus to undo Sanguine reign of perversion, what do we do with it?"

Ruby shrugged. "I don't know. I think Inigo had something planned, though."

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Steam Nexus, a smart blue cat was currently fiddling with its control console. Suddenly, a screen came to life and the word 'categories' came up followed by a long series of options, with a box labeled 'search' off in a corner' The Khajiit rubbed his hands deviously before flexing all of his fingers.

"Let's see what we can find."

* * *

[~]

* * *

xTRESTWHOx

 _*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme*_

Dragon Rose Chibi!

 _Nature's Treasures_

* * *

Ruby and Lydia stepped quietly through the forests of Falkreath, arrows notched in their bows and their senses peeled for any movement. They crouched under a low-hanging branch, careful not to have it hit their heads, then stopped as they saw an elk grazing on some grass. They rested on their knees, then slowly Lydia helped Ruby pull back her bowstring. A few moments passed, then after a pause, Ruby released the arrow. It sunk into the creature's heart, and it fell instantly.

"Good shot, Ruby," Lydia said as she holstered her bow across her back. "That should be enough to feed us for the next few days."

Ruby beamed at the praise, then the two lightly jogged towards the fallen animal. They kneeled next to it, then Lydia pulled the arrow out of its chest and gave it back to Ruby. She took it, then placed it back into her quiver.

"Now, I just need to grab what I need?" Ruby asked, and Lydia nodded. Ruby nodded back, then looked intensely into the dead elk. She now saw a small menu-like box appear out of thin air, hovering over the elk like a hologram. Inside were what she expected. Some venison, elk hide, antlers, but her attention was immediately drawn to something that was entirely out of place.

"What the-?" Ruby whispered to herself, catching Lydia's attention.

"What is it, my Thane?" Lydia asked, and Ruby looked at her housecarl while pointing at the elk.

"This elk is carrying a ring. A nice ring, actually," Ruby revealed. Lydia arched an eyebrow, then came over to confirm what Ruby was saying. True to her word, Lydia did indeed find that the elk was carrying an emerald-studded gold ring.

"Huh, that's peculiar," Lydia admitted, then shrugged and pulled the items out.

"Why does it have a ring? And for that matter, why are you so nonchalant about this?" Ruby wanted to know, and placed her hands on her hips and tapped her foot.

"Honestly, I have no idea why this elk has a ring, but there have been tales of wild animals being found carrying jewelry before, sometimes even septims. This one time I heard a braggart talking about how he found a bear carrying a gold ingot. But, I'm fairly certain he was just drunk."

Ruby arched an eyebrow, then looked back at the perfectly intact elk, then shrugged.

"Eh, maybe he just accidentally ate the ring one day while grazing?" Ruby suggested, and after a moment to reflect, Lydia nodded.

"Makes as much sense to me as any reason," she admitted, then gestured her head to the side. "Come, let's get back to camp and cook this meat."

"Okay!" Ruby said, then began to skip and smile. "You know, maybe that elk was married and that was his ring?" she joked.

Lydia snorted and shook her head. "I sincerely doubt that."

"Yeah, I know, but the thought does—" Ruby stopped as they heard another rustling, and both she and Lydia dived behind a bush for cover. They pulled out their bows and waited, then to both of their surprise an elk doe emerged from the bushes. Behind her was a small fawn, and they were looking around for something. When they saw the dead body of the elk, their expressions seemed to visibly deflate. If Ruby didn't know any better, she'd almost think the doe and fawn were weeping.

"Um, Ruby?" Lydia stated with wide eyes. Ruby looked at her companion, who was shakily pointing towards the doe. Ruby turned to face it, then her eyes widened as she saw the light gleam off of a small object wrapped around the doe's neck. It was a vine necklace and looped around the middle was a small gold ring with an emerald embedded into its center.

Slowly, everything fell into place, and suddenly Ruby felt tears sting the corner of her eyes.

"I… I didn't mean…" she babbled out, then felt Lydia gently place a hand on Ruby's shoulder.

"It's okay," Lydia soothed her charge. A few tears were forming in her eyes as well, then the two women took one last look at the weeping elks. Both were still visibly weeping, and the fawn had even gone over and nudged at the father, as though trying to rouse him from his sleep. A small, desperate bleat tugged at their heartstrings enough to physically hurt.

"Let's never discuss this again," Lydia suggested through a hoarse voice. Face covered in tears, Ruby nodded.

"O…okay." Ruby sniffed, then the two continued along.


End file.
